06 March 2011

Police Report II: Guilty!

Earlier this week one Dakota Jones was sentenced by Larimer County authorities for abandoning his principles regarding the sport of Ultrarunning. Full Police Report here. Shortly after the report was filed I received a phone call from the DA. My assignment: Observe and report upon the lifestyle of the accused. After reviewing the case I realized that the accused had been misunderstood. However, after the past two court appointed intervention sessions my views have changed after new evidence was exposed.

03/02, 40 degrees, 4 PM: During my under cover observation I witnessed the accused running shirtless on the Foothills Trail. I began to doubt his credibility given the conditions. However, after conversing with the accused I believed he simply needed some support. As part of his witness protection program I knew he needed a brief respite from the local trails. The accused needed a place to run in total anonymity. That led to our second intervention session of the week.

03/03, 35 degrees, 6:45 AM: The accused reported to my house on time and ready to run. After my initial intake we arrived where ultrarunners are rarely seen, on the track! This would be his first time on the oval de cush in 2011. The workload was straight forward: 5X1 mile with 400 recovery jog. The results were shocking.

Mile 1: 5:36
Mile 2: 5:30
Mile 3: 5:25
Mile 4: 5:20
After the 4th mile the accused "felt pretty good" and wanted to try to beat his 5:02 mile PR. The light turned green.
Mile 5: *5:00*

The Accused: Dakota Jones
The Verdict: Guilty
The Reason: Killin' it on the track

Young Money, run for and with your heart!


  1. I thought the police report was going to be about you! If anyone is guilty of having abandoned their ultra running principles, I believe the recent picture of a certain hairless ultra runner over on nick clark's blog is plenty of evidence for a conviction! (Ok, i can't really talk since i couldn't grow a beard if my life depended on it)

    And those are fast splits by YM...were you hanging with him on those?

  2. ak- with all the trail deputies out and about i had to go incognito. i paced YM on the last lap of his last interval and it was tough to hang with him on that!